What are the 4 Types of Gaslighting?

Gaslighting isn’t “just drama” or “relationship problems.” It’s a pattern of emotional and psychological abuse that can slowly make you doubt your memories, your feelings, and even your sanity. At Overland IOP in Los Angeles, we often hear clients say things like, “Maybe I am overreacting,” or “I don’t trust my own mind anymore.” When we start exploring their relationships, gaslighting is frequently part of the picture. This article breaks gaslighting down into four core types, with real-life examples, mental health impacts, and ideas for getting help. We’ll also link to trusted .gov and .edu resources and to other Overland IOP content you can use to go deeper. So, what are the 4 types of gaslighting?

What Is Gaslighting?

Health and government agencies define gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse in which a person manipulates someone into doubting their memory, perception, or sanity, often as part of a pattern of control.

• The U.S. Office on Women’s Health describes gaslighting as emotional abuse where an abuser denies events, calls the victim “crazy” or oversensitive, and rewrites reality as a way to maintain power and control in the relationship. Office on Women’s Health
• The University of Rochester Medical Center notes that gaslighting happens when a partner denies an event or describes it very differently, making you distrust your memory and become more dependent on them.
• The Western Australia Government similarly defines gaslighting as emotional and psychological abuse that confuses you, erodes your self-worth, and often occurs within coercive control and domestic violence.

Overland IOP’s own article, “Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships You Should Not Ignore”, describes gaslighting as making someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories through ongoing manipulation.

In other words: Gaslighting isn’t a one-off disagreement. It’s a pattern of twisting reality so that you stop trusting yourself and start deferring to the person who’s hurting you.

Why Gaslighting Is So Harmful

Because gaslighting targets your sense of reality, it can lead to:

• Persistent self-doubt (“Maybe it really is all my fault.”)
• Anxiety, hypervigilance, and difficulty making decisions Western Australian Government
• Depression, shame, and loss of self-esteem
• Isolation from friends, family, and support systems
• Increased vulnerability to other types of abuse, including physical and financial abuse

Emerging research on gaslighting in young adults shows that repeated exposure is associated with higher psychological distress and worse mental health outcomes, reinforcing what clinicians see in practice.

If you grew up around manipulation or addiction, you may also be more likely to normalize gaslighting in adult relationships—something we talk about often in treatment at Overland.

There’s No Single “Official” List of Types of Gaslighting

Different experts slice gaslighting behaviors in slightly different ways (for example, some describe five or six types). For this article, we’re focusing on four common, overlapping patterns frequently described in clinical and trauma literature:

1. Outright Lying
2. Reality Manipulation / Questioning
3. Scapegoating
4. Coercive Gaslighting

These categories blend together in real life. A single conversation might include all four.

The 4 Types of Gaslighting

4 Types of Gaslighting: Outright Lying

Core idea: The person flat-out denies reality or invents a new one.

What it looks like

• “That never happened. You’re imagining things.”
• “I never said that. You always twist my words.”
• “Everyone agrees with me; you’re the only one who remembers it that way.”

Overland’s gaslighting article describes this as the “gaslighting effect”: the manipulator denies and invalidates reality, eventually convincing the victim to doubt their perceptions. Overland IOP

Why it’s so damaging

• Repeated lies train you not to trust your own memory, even when you know what you heard or saw.
• You may start defaulting to, “I must be wrong,” which makes it easier for the other person to control the narrative.

Red flags

• You find yourself apologizing for things you’re almost sure didn’t happen the way they’re described.
• You start thinking, “I wish I had recorded that conversation so I could prove it to myself.”

4 Types of GaslightingReality Manipulation / Questioning

Core idea: They don’t just deny facts—they reshape reality so that you doubt your judgment, emotional reactions, and even mental health.

This pattern is sometimes called reality questioning or countering.

What it sounds like

• “You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad.”
• “You’re too sensitive. Anyone else would be fine with this.”
• “You must be tired / hormonal / stressed; that’s why you think this is a big deal.”
• “You really need help. Something’s wrong with you.”

Government and health sites list these as classic gaslighting phrases: minimizing your experience, calling you “crazy” or oversensitive, and insisting your perception is unreliable.

Why it’s so damaging

• Your emotional radar gets scrambled—you stop trusting your gut.
• You may start believing you’re unstable or irrational, even when your reactions are normal for what you’ve endured.
• Over time, people in these dynamics often feel “foggy,” disconnected, or like they “can’t think straight.”

Red flags

• You frequently think, “Maybe I am too sensitive,” but people who care about you validate your concerns.
• You minimize your own pain because you’ve been told “it’s not that big a deal” so many times.

4 Types of Gaslighting: Scapegoating

Core idea: The gaslighter blames you for their actions, moods, or consequences, turning you into the “problem” or “cause” of everything.

Scapegoating is recognized as a specific gaslighting pattern where the manipulator deflects responsibility and pins it on someone else to protect their image or power.

What it looks like

• “It’s your fault I yelled. You push my buttons.”
• “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y.”
• “You made me cheat / drink / explode—you knew this would set me off.”
• “Everyone has problems with you. I’m the only one patient enough to stick around.”

Overland’s gaslighting phrases article gives multiple examples of this “blame game” approach—where criticism, infidelity, or cruelty are reframed as the victim’s fault. Overland IOP

Why it’s so damaging

• You internalize the belief that you are the cause of the chaos or abuse.
• Shame becomes a powerful silencing tool—if everything really is “your fault,” you’re less likely to speak up or seek help.

Red flags

• You find yourself apologizing when you were hurt.
• You carry a constant sense of guilt and feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” to avoid setting them off.

4 Types of Gaslighting Coercive Gaslighting

Core idea: Gaslighting is combined with threats, intimidation, or control—often part of a larger pattern of coercive control and domestic violence.

Coercive gaslighting shows up in both relationship education and domestic violence resources as part of coercive control—using emotional abuse, surveillance, threats, and isolation to dominate another person.

What it looks like

• “If you tell anyone, they’ll think you’re crazy—and I’ll take the kids.”
• “You’re remembering it wrong. If you keep talking about this, I’ll make sure you regret it.”
• “You’re overreacting. You’re lucky I put up with you at all.”

This type of gaslighting often comes with:

• Controlling your access to money, transportation, or healthcare Office on Women’s Health+1
• Threats of legal trouble, deportation, or ruining your reputation
• Monitoring your phone, devices, or whereabouts

Why it’s so damaging

• It doesn’t just distort your reality—it traps you in it.
• Fear, trauma responses, and dependency can make it very difficult to leave, even if you recognize the abuse.

Red flags

• You feel unsafe challenging their version of events.
• You worry about serious consequences (losing your home, kids, income, or immigration status) if you seek help.

Gaslighting vs. Normal Conflict or Forgetfulness

Not every disagreement or misremembered detail is gaslighting. Healthy conflict includes:

• Willingness to say, “I might remember that differently—can we figure it out together?”
• Ability to own mistakes and repair harm
• Equal power: no one is systematically controlling, threatening, or eroding the other’s reality

Gaslighting tends to include:

• A pattern (not a one-time event)
• A clear power imbalance (one person consistently controls, threatens, or intimidates)
• Emotional fallout: confusion, anxiety, shame, isolation, and increasing self-doubt over time

If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and feel worse after every “conversation,” it’s worth exploring whether gaslighting is present.

How to Respond if You Think You’re Being Gaslit

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Some steps people find helpful:

1. Name what’s happening

Even silently telling yourself, “This is gaslighting, not the truth about me,” can be grounding. Reading articles like:

• Gaslighting Phrases in Relationships You Should Not Ignore Overland IOP
• Emotional Abuse: Definition, Types & Signs Overland IOP

can help you see patterns more clearly.

2. Reality-check with safe people

Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or support group about what’s happening. Many survivors report a huge sense of relief when someone says, “No, that’s not normal—you’re not crazy.”

3. Keep a private record (if it’s safe)

Some people write down conversations or events to help counter the “I’m imagining this” narrative. If you’re in a dangerous situation, prioritize your safety—only keep records in ways that cannot be discovered by the person abusing you.

4. Limit circular arguments

You usually can’t debate your way out of gaslighting. Once you recognize the pattern, it can be more effective to:

• State your reality (“I remember it differently”)
• Set a boundary (“I’m not going to keep arguing about this”)
• Shift your energy toward getting support, not convincing the gaslighter

5. Prioritize safety

If gaslighting is part of a broader pattern of threats, stalking, or physical violence:

• If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number. ffice on Women’s Health+1
• In the U.S., you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for confidential help, safety planning, and local resources.